Today was my birthday and I didn't cry

I was scared of today. Very scared. I thought I would be crying all day, thinking about you. You’ve always told me what you wanted to gift me for this birthday, that you wanted to bake a cake for me. You’ve never wanted to tell me what you wanted to gift me, but you’ve always mentioned it accidentally. Every time I thought about my birthday in the last few weeks, I always thought about you. I had been excited about my birthday because of you, but now it feels like a regular day.

And somehow, I didn’t cry. I mean, I thought about you today, but I do every day, so maybe it’s nothing special. Today, I had to change trains at the station I always changed at when I went to you. So many memories - I could see us sitting on the bench - but I didn’t cry.

After school, I went on a walk with a friend today, which helped clear my mind. Later I went bouldering with another friend of mine. It felt good to be active.